GTA IV IS TRAINING OUR KIDS TO KILL

Recently on CNN Glenn Beck has stated that Gta IV is training our kids to kill. He is also quoted as saying “It took 75 years and countless billions of dollars to train our soldiers to kill. Today 60 bucks buys your kid the same thing. Whatever happened to Pong?”

Well Mr. Beck you just sold me a copy of Grand theft auto IV, because I didn’t think I would even be able to make it through boot camp on account of my physical problems. I am 5′ 3″ at 273lbs with a bad back and a gimp leg. And now for a mere 60bucks I will become an unstoppable killing machine. AWESOME!

Now that the media and politicians are shedding light for the first time ever in video game history on the dangerous influence these games have on our youth, I Kingbernardino want the games that are a truly bad influence on society to be taken off the market. Yes thats right “Rockband”, how many times has a childs life been ruined because Music/Rythym games are convincing untalented people everywhere that they have what it takes to become a musician.

It used to take years of practice and dedication to train musicians to play music flawlessly. Now kids are getting 5stars on Stairway to Heaven on expert mode in only a few weeks.

P.S. pong sucked!

Very Attractive Games: Prototype, Silent Hill

Just wanted to post on some games I think look crazy delicious.

Prototype

This game looks awesome because it contains my three most favorite things in the world; Mutants, Zombie Viral Pandemics and Military Conspiracies. In Prototype you are Alex Mercer, a man who can’t remember his past and has the ability to shape-shift as well as absorb the sweet delicious memories of people he has consumed. With these powers Alex runs around the city of New York, which has been quarantined, trying to find out what is going on. Once you have absorbed someone you can shape shift into their form to gain access into military bases. According to the makers, this game will have GTA style freedom in which you can wonder about and interact with the environment without having any set mission. Prototype is scheduled to be released in October of 2008 for the Xbox 360 and PS3. It will also be out on the PC but who cares about that.

Silent Hill: Homecoming

This game contains zombies (one of my aforementioned favorite things) as well as scaring the piss out of me. Silent Hill Homecoming is a SAR (S#!@ ain’t right) Horror themed RPG. In Silent Hill Homecoming, you are Alex Shepherd returning home to look for your missing brother which usually results in a pants pissingly scary outcome (mine not his). There is not much news out yet on the actual details of the storyline but there are a lot of sneak preview movies. You can see these movies on pretty much any game site or just click on the link below. As I mentioned in my Bio, I heart Silent Hill and will be impatiently waiting with several pairs of dry pants for this game to come out.

Click HERE for the Silent Hill Homecoming trailer.

Rockin’ the DS with Ninja Gaiden

Having played the Ninja Gaiden series since the beginning (remember when the cut scenes were something new and special?), I was uber psyched when I heard about Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword for the Nintendo DS.  I was especially interseted in seeing how the unique abilities of the DS touch screen would be included in the game.  Well, I got the chance to play it, and I have to say that it is one of the best games I’ve played in awhile.

The controls are totally different from anything we’ve experienced in a Ninja Gaiden game.  Most of the attacks and other interactions are done using the stylus and the DS touch screen, with the face buttons only being used to block.  Sliding the stylus over an enemy causes Ryu to slash his sword, and slides of different directions lead to different attacks.  Tapping an enemy throws shuriken or shoots arrows, and tapping the screen while blocking causes Ryu to roll in the direction of the tap.  The most unique feature is the use of the microphone and you are required to talk into it to get past some parts of the game.  Interestingly, doing this on a crowded airplane with a bunch of grumpy pissed off people in coach is a great way to freak people out and get yourself some much needed elbow room!  

The item and upgrade system is also new in NG: DS.  Gone are the days of finding health and ninpo potions to keep in your inventory.  Instead, your health and ninpo are refreshed every time you approach a dragon statue to save the game, and the dragon statues are all over the place.  The life of a thousand gods, sword upgrades, ninpo and techniques are available for purchase from Muramasa, although some of them can get pretty expensive in the higher difficulty levels (lets just say Muramasa eventually turns into an essence  grubbing whore).

Set 6 months after the Dark Dragon Blade Incident, covered in Ninja Gaiden Black for the original Xbox the story evolves over 13 chapters, with “puzzles” and boss battles at the end of each.  My biggest gripe about the game on the normal and head ninja difficulties was that the enemy AI seemed to be lacking.  Oftentimes there would be 3 or more enemies on the screen, but they would choose the “why don’t we just attack him one at a time” routine.  The end stage bosses also get pretty predictable with their attacks and tactics which makes defeating them kind of easy.  Of course, this all changes on master ninja mode but hey, maybe Team Ninja got too many complaints from Black and made the game a little easier.  I thought the game was a little short, with my first time through (on normal) taking around 7 hours and my second time (on head ninja) taking about 5 but then again I’m on my third time through in three days and haven’t gotten tired of it yet.

Overall, Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword was a great game, I give it an 8.5 out of 10.  Any fan of the Ninja Gaiden series with a DS should definitely pick this game up, and if you are a fan and don’t have a DS yet what the hell are you waiting for?!?!

Gamehooligans.com